I have been trying to write this post for quite a long time. It is a difficult subject because I do not want the whole post to appear negative, nor do I want anyone to think that we aren’t having a wonderful time, but this post needs to be written as well. Everything about raising three children ages 5 and under is difficult, I would be down right lying if I said that was easy, even with 21st century amenities. Here, abroad, I am attempting to survive and thrive in this parenting thing without things like; dryers, dishwashers, cooking utensils, English speaking friends, sports and a yard. I love living abroad, but I do not love every moment and the kids definitely do not love every moment. This post is about the realities of full time traveling on our emotions.
Recently, I discovered this acronym F.E.A.R Feel Everything and Realign. Unlike so many of the military acronyms that I am constantly surrounded by, even when abroad, this acronym has been fueling my strength for days now. It may be the best way to describe this experience for those not experiencing it and visualizing through my facebook and instagram posts. Everyday abroad I feel great joy for the opportunity to expose these children to a world outside of the gates of Camp Lejeune. Everyday I feel like I am failing as a homeschooling mom (Lux is having a very hard time). Every day I feel brave, strong and usually incredibly lonely. Everyday I hear Lux say he wants to go ‘home’ to a home that doesn’t exist for us anymore and I question whether or not he will be better or worse for this experience later. Everyday I ease drop on English speaking conversations in the hopes that they will speak to me and I’ll get that adult interaction in my native tongue that I so desperately need. Everyday I see something new in a location that I adore and it recharges my motivation tanks for the next day.
I’m only able to write this now because it took my mother visiting and her asking the hard questions for me to be able to put into words the holistic experience here. I would do this again, absolutely. I would do it differently for sure. A huge part of this year of travel was to jump feet first into the deep in and learn how to swim abroad with small children. I have learned SO MUCH. A lot of it has been learned in a very difficult way. I expected that and as a result I am better armed to make future plans, but again I would be lying if I pretended that this was easy. So for the sake of giving a full picture I’m going to give you an update on each member of this mottly crew as we are all feeling everything and realigning (F.E.A.R) differently.
Updates on the Bradbury Boys
Luxor: Lux is a difficult guy to figure out. This is what I know; he considers ‘home’ anywhere that includes Greg so in his mind that is North Carolina. He is incredibly smart, but hates all school work. He is also super lazy when it comes to my attempts at unschooling so he is going to have to adjust somewhere. He has learned to read, but ‘doesn’t want to.’ He wants friends, but does not want to put forth any measure of effort to make them and mostly he only enjoys what I refer to as vacation days. So the days where we do touristy type activities. Simultaneously, he is the first person to walk up to people on the beach and tell them that he full time travels and is a worldschooler. He basically brags about it and basks in the attention it gets him. I think he will benefit the most from this experience, long term as he will be the one that remembers the most.
Rhodes: Rhodes is easily pleased. He requires spaghetti and the beach and he is typically happy. He misses friends and daddy the most, but plays very well on his own and enjoys planning our next weeks, months and moves with me. He is doing so well with school work and getting more efficient at many things. He is my child that notices the boats, animals, people, buildings and seems so enjoy the culture like his mama.
Atlas: Mister A.J. is growing in leaps and bounds. He is a foodie, loves all the Greek food. His favorite thing is the beach and videos from daddy. I do feel like this was a strange age to travel with him as he would greatly benefit from toys and social interaction right now. I am having to seek out ways to stimulate him for this portion of our trip because he is bored. He knows almost as much Greek as he does English. He is ‘speaking’ non stop, but only about six words are actually understandable by anyone other than me.
Mama: I am almost as busy as I’ve ever been. I am trying to pump out a couple of blog posts a week, lesson planning based on our location, I took on a project as a columnist for Daily Mom Military Magazine and now have four articles due per month and deadlines. . .I am also in charge of the finances for the first time in our marriage. Trying to cook abroad, running a house that isn’t mine, moving out of our house in the u.s. and trying to be a decent friend and wife to boot. I am also neck deep in research for my upcoming project in Italy. The most difficult part is trying to keep all of these children happy. I feel that I have to be loving the experience every single day in order for anyone else to enjoy it. There’s a lot of pressure on me to put the smile on so to speak and realign my feeling quickly. I have a gypsy heart, I love traveling, I love seeing the kids light up with curiosity and wonder, I love fueling their little passions with real life experiences. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am already planning the next huge trip. I love this journey for it’s beautiful and ugly moments.
Feelings of Freedom
The things going right and the things going wrong are about even, which is how it would be in the states as well. Rarely is everyone happy regardless of where we are. I am at peace with that realization. I have come to the realization that it is ok if some days I am the only happy one. There are many times that this journey feels selfish because I am the one that wants to live abroad and the one that ultimately made this choice. We are trying to find our balance between mama’s dreams, well rounded happy children and worldly children full of wonder and compassion for everyone and everything on this earth. We will get there and this extended trip has given me a better idea of what ‘balance’ may look like in a few years.
Soon, I will be writing an article titled “Living vs. Vacationing.” where I will go more in depth as to how our days are organized and how we find the balance between being tourists and wanting to be locals. For now we are focusing on taking in as many experiences as possibly and feeling everything and realigning for the next adventure.